=D

I'm a loser but this made my thanksgiving better. If you saw the drama of my family get togethers you would understand why I guess. I'm never really excited for them.



also. I got a new tattoo. Me and 2 of my friends reserved the tattoo shop I get all my stuff done at for a full day and all got tattoos. I got one, Joey got one and Ashley got 4. All of those tattoos only cost $725 because Petro and Mike love us and we love them =D (those are my tat artists if you didn't catch that) It was a way fun day. We stayed there from like 11am to around 6ish AND since it's also a smoke shop/hookah bar we got to smoke a lot of hookah for free haha.

so anyway my tattoo says "I'm trying to be what you're dying to see" which are lyrics from the song Paradise Lost by Hollywood Undead and obviously they have to do with God. The cross is supposed to be kinda fucked although when I move my arm a certain way to take the pic it looks weird lol. The butterfly is because Johnny 3 Tears wrote the song and he has butterflies effing everywhere and I love him <333

I'm not uber religious before anyone asks. I'm agnostic in the sense that I do believe in God and Jesus and shiz I just don't have one specific christian preference (catholicism, evangelical, baptist, etc.) and I don't follwot he bible (meaning I dont think gay ppl are bad or women are inferior to men, etc) Obviously or I wouldn't be writing about guys having orgies together O.o right...

ANYWAY HERE'S THE TATTOO




HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!!!!!!!!

I'm thankful for...

My mentor and when she says she's proud of me. It means so much.

My family even if they're part of the reason I'm on Zoloft :P They're alcoholics, loud, fight too much, dramatic, used to give me support but now not so much, sometimes they forget to feed me, and they're always dying, but I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for them and I still love them to death. Oh cool I'm crying now wtf.

My friends. Online and offline. Even if some people drive me in fucking sane sometimes they mean the world to me and I probably would be dead by now if it wasn't for you. Straight up.

My puppies!!!

Photography. Nobody but another photographer will ever understand the joy an amazing photo can bring me. Whether it's my own or someone else's it makes my heart pound.

Writing. I don't think people who comment on my stuff really understand how much it means to me. I hope the stuff I write shows that I don't just throw something together and post it. I really try to put some thought into it. Every good comment I get makes me feel like it wasn't a waste of life and means a lot. I <3 you all :)

Music: I'm gonna get detailed with this shit...

These songs:

Live This Down - Papa Roach: This song came out around the same time of my worst break ever. Fate? Yes.

Return To Self Loathing - MEST: Living in my house in middle school this song really helped me feel less alone I guess.

Hold On - Good Charlotte: Cheesy but it probably helped save my life around age 13. I was struggling with PTSD, hormones, breakups and alcoholic parents. It really was a lifesaver.

Stay Together For The Kids - Blink 182: same as above.

Paradise Lost - Hollywood Undead: There's a reason i got lyrics from this song tattoo'd to me. (I'm trying to be what you're dying to see)

You Eclipsed By Me - Atreyu: There's a reason I'm getting lyrics from this song tattoo'd to me (I will not be brokek though I am the one that bleeds)

Rooftops - MEST: I just relate I guess. It gives me butterflies. When I finally heard it live after years of never seeing MEST live I almost cried O.o

Bands in general:

-Avenged Sevenfold: this band has meant the world to me since 2003. I love them and they're not in the songs list because there's no way I could pick one or even 10 songs only.
-MEST: Since age 12 they have helped me cope and along with A7X I owe my teenage life to this band and probably the rest of my life.
-18V: They were a huge part of my past and (even though they're broken up) my present and future.
-Burn Halo: It's more than James Hart. That band makes me feel better when I'm sick. Real talk. I just feel amazing listening to BH.
-Hollywood Undead: I used to like em, now I LOVE them and I think they're hella underrated. I can listen to them day in and day out for real.
-The Misfts: When I first heard The Misfits years ago they gave me this new weird perspective of music.Like music could be what you make of it and there's no straight forward rules. It's your own thing and no one else's I guess. After hearing The Misfits way back in 5th grade I never gave a shit what people thought of my music taste.
-Atreyu: I think I just have amazing memories involving Atreyu and they're some of the nicest personas I've met and all around amazing. Alex is one of my favorite lyricists as well.
-Papa Roach: one of my cousins was obsessed with Papa Roach way back in the day and so it was hard not to be forced into liking them. Then they slowly evolved and so did I. Scars means a lot when you have alcoholic parents.
Three Days Grace: this band got me through the worst break up of my life. For real.

With no large descriptions: AC/DC, Joan Jett, Taylor Swift, Def Leppard, Brand New, Rev Theory, The Used, Pantera, Metallica, Rancid, Horrorpops, Social Distortion, The Ramones, Good Charlotte, Finch, AFI, Blink 182, Hatebreed, Every Time I Die, Converge, Speakeasy Tiger, fuck I'm missing so many.

All the books/stories I've read. Tennessee Williams

My high school photography teacher Mrs McCoy.

Zombie Movies/old horror movies in general. Oh you keep me sane on a bad day.

TNT (the tv channel) you're the only station I watch because you play 15 hours of my top 8 favorite shows in a row on the weekdays. I am so lucky for that. (Cold Case, Without A Trace, Angel, Charmed, ER, Las Vegas, and Numb3rs)

Title: One False Move [4/4]
Author: tracervudu7 Trace, me
Rating: R for violence
Pairings:Zacky/Brian, Zacky/Aaron Boehler, Zacky/Alex Varkatzas
Summary: After one tragic night years ago, Zack is finally beginning to get his life back in order. He has a beautiful daughter and a loving boyfriend, but one night when a hidden memory surfaces, nothing is the same again.
Disclaimer: Not real. Never happened. Don’t own. Don’t sue.
Authors Note: Finally able to write this. I’m sorry it took so long for such a short chapter, but I hope you like it either way.

Title from “Ex’s and Oh’s” by Atreyu.

1 | When you feel your soul drop to the floor
2 | Then you'll have wept as I've wept
3 | One false move, you took me home

( 4| Get away from, Get away from you )

Ummm so basically Zacky has made it impossible for me to get anything done on time that I planned on doing tonight >.< oi vey

I tried to write this week buuut I now have about 6 quizzes and 2 tests in my psychology class alone. Plus homework for other classes. FML?? haha.

I have to go through psychoanalysis bullshit so they can determine if I'm Bi Polar or if it's just my anxiety. Shitty part is I have to pay for all this crap, so no Hatebreed concert for me.

I feel like a zombie, I'm not even living life I'm just kinda going. Or maybe a robot or wind up toy or something. I just go with the flow, which sucks cause I hate living like that. I'm usually the carpe diem type of person y'know, at least put effort into one thing a day so I can say I did something I'm happy with, but lately I'm just like meh C average in life. School is so not for me.

On top of all that, Burn Halo isn't coming here. I actually didn't expect them to because I've been getting somewhat lucky with bands coming here, which is unusual. I had hope though.

I DONT EVEN HAVE TIME TO READ ANY FICS. Poo :( someone link me to any awesome new stuff I've missed out on so I can read if I ever get time please???

Econ homework time :) oh joy.

P.S. I hope this entry doesn't sound too terribly self loathing. I hate sounding like that haha.

alright.... whos' diggin Micks new look???
I'm actually lovin it. Different, but he looks hella good.
plus I just really like when he smiles in pics, he looks so innocent :D haha

if you haven't seen it
( click here )

Title: One False Move [3/4]
Author: tracervudu7 Trace, me
Rating: R for violence
Pairings:Zacky/Brian, Zacky/Aaron Boehler, Zacky/Alex Varkatzas
Summary: After one tragic night years ago, Zack is finally beginning to get his life back in order. He has a beautiful daughter and a loving boyfriend, but one night when a hidden memory surfaces, nothing is the same again.
Disclaimer: Not real. Never happened. Don’t own. Don’t sue.
Authors Note: All of your questions are finally answered!

Title from “Ex’s and Oh’s” by Atreyu.

1 | When you feel your soul drop to the floor
2 | Then you'll have wept as I've wept

( One false move, you took me home )

(via twitter) MickDeth: Organizing a sacreligious orgy... Who is in?

lmao my first thought was the Priceless orgy because really... a crazy gay orgy is pretty sacrelig I must say.

--------------------------------

yay for getting shit done!

-Got an 82 on my psyche test and a 95, 100, 100 on my 3 psyche quizzes. Hopefully I do good on the exam!
-My speech went good
-I finally got enough money for an oil change so tomorrow I'm doing that
-I finished the next chapter of One False Move. I just need to edit it since Tara is failing as a beta lately lol.
-I cleaned the kitchen

OH! AND! I'm hopefully going to get medication soon for my anxiety so yay for that. I usually hate meds and being dependent on that sorta stuff, but right now it's like my only hope. My anxiety is to the highest extreme... it's to the point that I'm having Bi-Polar, Depression, OCD, and ADD symptoms along with memory loss and obviously a shit ton of anxiety attacks.

--------------------------------

I really don't know why I always make people watch this video, but I do.

It's the video where Alex Varkatzas is saying his 5 most influential punk bands.

AND HE SAYS LIKE AFTER EVERY DAMN WORD. I always show this to people for some unknown reason.

( lj cuts save babies )

Title: Desire
Fandom: Avenged Sevenfold
Pairing: Zacky/Johnny Brian/Matt
Rating: R for language and mild violence
Disclaimer: I do not own. This is not true at all. Based off the play “A Streetcar Named Desire” by Tennessee Williams.
Summary: Zachary Baker has led a privileged life until he loses everything and is forced to move in with his brother Brian and brute of a brother-in-law Matt. He’s determined to turn his life around, but when his secrets begin to unfold everything starts to crumble.
Authors Note: Once again I'm sorry for the delay. For one, LJ was being a douche about posting this, but there's a longer explanation as to why my updates are becoming further apart a few entries down in my journal.
Dedication: ohhbananaphone for requesting it which I’m thankful for ^.^

Previous Chapters:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

( when the world comes crashing down and the skies begin to fall I'll wait for you )

Congregation of the Damned has been on repeat all day. I fucking love it. In my opinion their best album yet.

And in my honest opinion Wait For You is one of the most beautiful fuckin songs I have ever heard. It's so gorgeous and gets me all emotional.

anyways... Desire will be up in a minute!!! yayyy!!

oh and I'm totally not proud of this, but I have 2 new loves in my life.



J3T and J-Dog from Hollywood Undead. I'm really disappointing myself lol, but omg J3T is an awesome lyricist and J is just hot haha.